Tissue use #1: picking up icky stuff off the floor.
Viable replacements: wet wipe, dirty sock, banana peel, orange rind (I feel that I am very often stranded with the remains of fruit), and my sock which then becomes a dirty sock (see previous entry)
Tissue use #2: wiping noses.
Viable replacements: wet wipe (magical things, the duct tape of a mom's world), clean sock, the bottom of my shirt (oh, I've done it, don't think I haven't. Even my husband 'eewwwed' with disgust. I was legitimately out of options and far from home and wearing lots of layers and Bella was waiting for a mommy-style rescue.), printer paper (Might I suggest crumpling it up a little first for the illusion of softness.), and according to Bella, hair is also a practical option as it is soft and always available.
Tissue use #3: drying.
Viable replacements: bread, goldfish crackers (They can hold 100 times their own weight, much like ants.), dirty clothes (Why not? They're already dirty.), clean clothes (Sad, but in a soppy mess emergency. It's an emergency.)
Tissue use #4: artistic medium.
Viable replacements: actual paper (I know, crazy right? Sometimes, not often, it happens though.), newspaper ads, mail (Try to avoid the bills, some people don't understand art.), food (Don't think you can't have your crayons and eat them too.), and Mommy's textbooks.
Tissue use #5: making a fluffy mess.
Viable replacements: stuffed animals, clean clothes (straight from the dryer and onto the floor), dirty clothes (This helps to reinforce the necessity of staying ahead on laundry.), all our bedding, drawers and drawers full of clothes, flour, clean diapers (Thank goodness! Other varieties have failed countless testing protocols), and bread.
I, in good conscience, will continue to recommend actual tissues for actual tissue uses. I feel that in a culture that values independence it is important for me to give others the options and opportunities provided by my experience. :)
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| Doctor Baby, reminding us all that tissues save lives. |
